My Gramma used to make square chocolate chip cookies. They were her signature fare. No matter how many changes life brought my way, I could always count on that covered dish of cookies waiting for me on her kitchen table.
I remember lifting the lid many a time, peeking in and trying not be too obvious about choosing the one that had the most chips. There they were, nestled together—golden-brown, sweet-smelling and tender—bending slightly, each with a corner or two thrown over the back of another. And they were always square.
Most cookies are round. But not my Gramma’s. When she scooped up cookie dough she didn’t just use a little spoon. No, she reached for a big spoon and pulled up big globs of dough and smiled as she dropped them onto the scratched-up cookie sheets she’d used for years. It didn’t occur to her to fuss and fret over the way they spread out and overtook the pan, melting into each other’s sides.
That’s the way she took to cooking everything. I loved standing on a chair so I could watch her scooping up heaps of soft, white flour using an old chipped cup. She would never have given serious thought to spooning it into a measuring cup and leveling it off with a knife. Some of the best food I’ve ever eaten owed its goodness to a pinch of this and a little shake of that stirred together under a keen eye that could sense when things looked just right.
When I look at how I approach life—particularly writing— these days, it seems I’ve left that inner sense behind. That knowing of when it’s just right, when it’s pleasing to the ear. Maybe I’ve been spending too much time looking to others who seem to have it all figured out. As I compare my square cookies to their perfectly round ones—served up on fine china, no less—I feel like what I have to offer falls miserably short.
And so, I agonize and over-think every sentence as minutes turn to hours, and I come to the end of the day with little to show for my struggle. Little more than a gut pulled up tight under my ribs and a half-written piece with the life and light wrung completely out of it.
I think it’s time to get back to writing the way I used to—the way Gramma cooked.
She didn’t seem bound by the rules of a neatly coiffed Betty Crocker or concerned with emulating the gourmet creations of Julia Child. Gramma had something special inside that trusted a quick taste kissed off the tip of her finger with a sweet, little mmm-mmpt.
Square cookies, anyone?
Here’s my tribute to the last official day of Summer! Celebrating a season of sunshine, too free and easy to be captured in little boxes on a calendar hanging flat on my wall.
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Caution: Driver Singing. I saw this bumper sticker a few weeks ago. It reminded me of a couple girls we watched while stuck in traffic on a hot California day.
Desperate for a reprieve from triple-digit temps, we were flying down the freeway to escape the heat. After sizzling past Dixon, Vacaville came and went like a flash in the rear view mirror. We scorched on through Fairfield and down the hill, chasing a siren song! It lifted off the cool waters of a distant bay and drifted inland upon the delta breeze.
There, where gentle winds beckoned us onward, our truck slowed to a crawl, bogged down in a mire of commuters, travelers, semi-trucks and RV’s. All converging at the Cordelia interchange, barely flowing through a clogged artery meant to pump life into cities along the bay.
By the time we inched off the ramp and onto 680, traffic had been stop-and-go for at least a half-dozen songs on the radio. My husband navigated our camper-shelled cocoon slowly to the inside lane. While he concentrated on the tail-lights in front of us, I took in the sights all around, marveling at the sea of humanity being squeezed into a freeway two sizes too small.
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I have a secret wish. It found me at Mount Hermon, or perhaps another retreat center in the woods of Northern California.
I had narrowly escaped death just a year or so before. That’s a long story, so I’ll just say this, Jesus had stood at my door and knocked long enough. He finally kicked it down, rushed into the burning building—and saved my life! Then, I wandered alone. Well, just God and me anyway. The Cross…and about fifteen-hundred miles lay between my old life and this thing that someone had promised me would be new life. I had arrived in California “a new creation,” but I felt (and acted) like the same old mess I’d always been. I longed, prayed, begged for God to bring me just one person who knew something about this Jesus thing.
God answered. And He responded as He often does—Over the top! He brought all kinds of great people my way. So many friends who lived out this Jesus thing. When I wanted to crawl back into my dark little hole, they coaxed me out time after time. We escaped a few times each year to Mt. Hermon, Mt. Gilead and various pine-scented places tucked away in the Sierras.
The day I’ve looked forward to for a long, long time is less than a week away!
No, it’s not my wedding day. I ran heart-racing, head-on into the waves of marital bliss years ago. But that exhilarating dance—of peace and excitement twirling around in me—is back! Throw in a little game of leap-frog between faith and doubt every twenty-four hours or so and…you get the picture.
I keep dreaming of how everything will go at my first speaking engagement! It’s not really my first; I’ve been at it for a while now. But this is my first Christian event for women! For so long, I have looked forward to speaking into the lives of women in the same tender, transparent and hope-filled way that so many Christian speakers have spoken into mine. Good words, wonderful words—God has used them to challenge me, change me, comfort me, and move me—all to one end: To know Him, to love him and to live in Him more, and more, and more.
It’s my turn now—and I can hardly wait!
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Event:“The Radiant Christian Woman”Friday, Sept. 11th 6:30 to 8:30 pm
at Scotland Trinity Presbyterian Church
Macomb, IL ~ click on link for details!
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